A More Sensitive Census


by Luis Pagina



Fred Druthers

The Census Man

Government Agent #1

Government Agent #2

Investigative Reporter



Slugger McGee

Radio Announcer (Off Stage)

The front step of Fred Druthers’ modest home.  The Census Man, dressed in slacks and a colorful sweater, approaches the door, a clipboard tucked under his arm.  He pauses a moment, smoothes out his sweater, then rap-a-tap-taps on the front door.  After a moment, Fred Druthers opens the door.  Fred looks presentable, yet with an indefinable raggedness.  The Census Man smiles, clicks his heels, and salutes.

THE CENSUS MAN:  Good afternoon, sir.  I’m with the US Census Bureau.  Could I have a moment of your time?

Fred gives an unsure salute in return.

FRED DRUTHERS:  Uh.  Yeah.  Sure.

The Census Man takes out his clipboard and scribbles along as he and Fred talk.