Get A Life!

 by Bobby Weimar



Mr. Tanny-o






The Masses


The sidewalk of a bustling city street.  THE MASSES (three people who hold a series of crude but distinguishable masks-on-popsicle-sticks before their faces and march back and forth, talking gibberish in a variety of accents and volumes) go about their business in front of a booth displaying the words “Get A Life.”  A dapper gent in vest and straw hat stands inside the booth, brandishing a cane.  He leans out of the booth, barking at the MASSES.  He is MR. TANNY-O.  

MR. TANNY-O: Hey-oh!  Get a life!  Get a life here!

MAN enters and passes across the stage.  As he does, THE MASSES’ gibberish fades.

MR. TANNY-O: You there, sir!  You could clearly stand to get a life.

MAN [without stopping]: I’m taking a dance class.  I’m meeting people!

MR. TANNY-O [to a WOMAN with her young CHILD]: And you, m’lady?  Would you like to get a life?

WOMAN: No, I’m afraid I gave at the office.  Come along, Billy.

MR. TANNY-O [to CHILD]: You there, young one.  Ready to get a life?  Never too early to start.  

CHILD slows his pace, but WOMAN jerks his arm.

WOMAN: Just keep walking, Billy.

CHILD: But he might have candy!

WOMAN: I will not have a repeat of last week’s van incident, young man.  It took forever to get the duct tape out of your hair.

CHILD [puts hands to back of head and then jerks them high in the air]: It’s sticky!

WOMAN and CHILD exit.  Another man, YURI, walks in from off-stage.  As he passes the booth, MR. TANNY-O reaches out his cane and trips YURI.  YURI crashes to the ground.  With that, THE MASSES fall silent and exit.

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